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FBI To Place All SUVs On Terror Watchlist (babylonbee.com) 11/25/2021 10:16 AM

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a deadly terrorist attack in Waukesha Wisconsin in which a terrorist SUV drove itself into a parade and murdered people all by itself, Attorney General Merrick Garland has ordered the FBI to place all SUVs on the Terrorist Watchlist.

The post FBI To Place All SUVs On Terror Watchlist appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Archaeologists Uncover Cool Whip Containers Pilgrims Used To Hold Leftovers (babylonbee.com) 11/25/2021 02:06 PM

PLYMOUTH, MA—Archaeologists have uncovered a "cool" new discovery: the Cool Whip containers used by the Pilgrims to keep their leftovers after the first Thanksgiving. The 400-year-old Cool Whip containers are reportedly "remarkably well-preserved" and still contain leftovers of mashed potatoes, turkey, ham, and cranberry sauce that are "as fresh as they were back in 1621."

The post Archaeologists Uncover Cool Whip Containers Pilgrims Used To Hold Leftovers appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

10 Things We At The Babylon Bee Are Thankful For (babylonbee.com) 11/25/2021 01:38 PM

We at The Babylon Bee have a lot to be thankful for this year. The world is falling apart, and we get to sit here making jokes about it. Therefore, we are the most grateful for those who make our job possible.

The post 10 Things We At The Babylon Bee Are Thankful For appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Christian Plumber Under Fire For Refusing To Join Same-Sex Fittings (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 01:35 PM

DENVER, CO—Local Christian plumber Peter Howe has come under fire for refusing to join same-sex fittings. Howe is being labeled a "backward, hateful bigot" for his refusal to connect two male pipe threads or two female pipe threads, insisting on only the traditional, conservative practice of male-to-female connections.

The post Christian Plumber Under Fire For Refusing To Join Same-Sex Fittings appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Man Born With Incredible Superpower Of Picking Slowest Grocery Store Lane 100% Of The Time (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 01:17 PM

AMES, IA—Local man Justin Parkinson isn't like ordinary people. He was born with a superpower. Parkinson, according to sources, has the ability to pick the absolute slowest grocery store lane every single time.

The post Man Born With Incredible Superpower Of Picking Slowest Grocery Store Lane 100% Of The Time appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Nation Suffers Post-Thanksgiving Inflation Around Midsection (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 02:14 PM

U.S.—Inflation has been a real problem this year, and it's only getting worse. According to reports, millions all across the nation have been experiencing post-Thanksgiving dinner inflation, particularly around the midsection.

The post Nation Suffers Post-Thanksgiving Inflation Around Midsection appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Dollar Tree Quietly Rebrands As 'Hundred Dollar Tree' (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 02:24 PM

U.S.—Amid the current inflation crisis, Dollar Tree quietly renamed itself to "Hundred Dollar Tree", quickly adding the word "Hundred" in front of its name on store signs all across the country.

The post Dollar Tree Quietly Rebrands As 'Hundred Dollar Tree' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 04:10 PM

Brought to you by:

The post Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Racist Joe Biden Bans Travel From Africa (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 05:54 PM

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Americans are appalled after learning the racist President Biden has banned travel from 8 African countries.

The post Racist Joe Biden Bans Travel From Africa appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

San Francisco Stores Hold 100% Off Black Friday Sale (babylonbee.com) 11/26/2021 06:24 PM

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a beloved San Fran tradition, stores across the city are holding their annual 100% off Black Friday sale today, offering shoppers the opportunity to come in, throw as much stuff in a bag as they can fit, and run out of the store.

The post San Francisco Stores Hold 100% Off Black Friday Sale appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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