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Reminder: If You Won't Date A Star Wars Geek, You Are A Geekphobic Bigot (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 11:57 AM

Internet, we need to talk. It's come to my attention that there are many human females out there who won't date me, not because of anything I've done wrong, but because of their deep-seated biases against Star Wars geeks.

The post Reminder: If You Won't Date A Star Wars Geek, You Are A Geekphobic Bigot appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

The 7 Most Problematic Characters In The Lord Of The Rings (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 04:18 PM

Here at The Babylon Bee, we always make sure to impose our modern woke narrative on authors who lived decades or even centuries ago. It's the only way to truly figure out what a text really means.

The post The 7 Most Problematic Characters In The Lord Of The Rings appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Far-Right Apostle Paul Bans Teaching Critical Race Theory In Churches (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 01:42 PM

JERUSALEM—Known conservative and far-right zealot the Apostle Paul has banned teaching critical race theory in churches in a scathing letter to the Galatians, sources have confirmed.

The post Far-Right Apostle Paul Bans Teaching Critical Race Theory In Churches appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

People Who Ruined World's Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World's Economies (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 06:32 PM

CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world's economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world's economies.

The post People Who Ruined World's Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World's Economies appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

The Babylon Bee Guide To Crypto (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 04:44 PM

Brought to you by

The post The Babylon Bee Guide To Crypto appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Texas Governor Signs Executive Order Donating City Of Austin To California (babylonbee.com) 06/11/2021 06:53 PM

AUSTIN, TX—Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed an executive order today donating the city of Austin and all its citizens to California. A move long in the making, the order gives all million citizens back to California, since most of them came from there anyway.

The post Texas Governor Signs Executive Order Donating City Of Austin To California appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

For Pride Month, Taco Bell To Continue Giving Explosive Diarrhea To All Genders And Orientations (babylonbee.com) 06/12/2021 10:26 AM

U.S.—Taco Bell, a beloved chain of authentic Mexican food restaurants around the world, has announced they will be honoring Pride Month by giving LGBTQ customers explosive diarrhea like they always do. 

The post For Pride Month, Taco Bell To Continue Giving Explosive Diarrhea To All Genders And Orientations appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Disaster At G7 As Biden Tackles Boris Johnson Mistaking Him For Trump (babylonbee.com) 06/12/2021 12:14 PM

CORNWALL—G7 Summit meetings ended in chaos today after President Biden violently tackled British PM Boris Johnson after mistaking him for Donald Trump. 

The post Disaster At G7 As Biden Tackles Boris Johnson Mistaking Him For Trump appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Woke Public School Hangs Up Inspirational ‘You Can’t Do It!’ Poster For Black Students (babylonbee.com) 06/12/2021 12:24 PM

LEESBURG, VA—As part of a new diversity and inclusion initiative, the Loudoun County school board has directed teachers to hang up inspirational "You Can't Do It! (due to white supremacy and systemic oppression)" posters throughout all schools to remind students of color that they will likely not succeed in life unless white liberals dismantle the systems of oppression designed to keep black people from succeeding.

The post Woke Public School Hangs Up Inspirational ‘You Can’t Do It!’ Poster For Black Students appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

World's Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees (babylonbee.com) 06/13/2021 10:02 AM

CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth's crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds. 

The post World's Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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